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Tony

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[03 Dec 2004|11:05am]
Gonoreah, lovely, fucking lovely.

I hate doing that shit, they always look at me like I'm dirt and shit like that...

Matty I love you and you're just beautiful, inside and out. And of course Joel and Benji would argue with me abot this, but they're biased, but you're the most beautiful and perfect person
3 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[25 Nov 2004|03:40pm]
My ass itches along wiht my dick and it hurts now.




happy thanks giving
2 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[15 Nov 2004|07:45pm]
I didn't want to go today...

Matt convinecd me to... he's worried I guess....

it was embarasing... all of the doctors and nurses kept looking at me like I was shit...

Matt held my hand....


they won't know the results for a few days...

I still don't want to know..
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[14 Nov 2004|11:06am]
Last night..

I went with Matt and Jere to the mall.. to pick up some arm warmers for Matt.

It was the first time we'd seen eachother since he got out... it was all tense.. I was so fucking tense.

Jere's so dense and such an asshole sometimes. He's my friend and all but he needs a chick who is just a dense and slow and yeah as him. or a guy since he's that way.

WE went to go eat, all I had was a coke and Matt picked at his food...

then he wanted to leave and freaked out and Jere's an asshole...

I offered to get a cab so Matt could just go back to Jere's and lay down or something but Matt wanted me to go back with them so I did and I went to massage Matt's shoulders because he was all tense and shit and Jere told me he "Didn't care if I was his cousing, I needed to get my hands off his damn boyfriend"

So I did and I told him it was fine to drop me off wherever we were.

and Matt started freaking out worse and it started raining and shit.

Matt told Jere he'd call him later and came home with me...

and we talked...

and... he did it again because he was sad... and all I wanted was him to be happy no matter if he chose me or not...

but we're back togeather...

and I hope that it's because he really did miss me and not because he was worried about me or some shit like that...

I told him... about the two guys... the ones.. that I sletp wtiht... without a condom... and...

I'm going to go get checked out on monday....

he wants to come with me...
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[12 Nov 2004|10:13pm]
I went out and did what everyone said I was...

guess I was it all along... bnecause it didn't feel any different...

don't worry ... nod rugs... I'm not a druggie, no worries there.

my stomach hurts now as well...

these scars I have now... from Matt... that he says I got because I deserve to be treated that way... they freak people off now...
20 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[11 Nov 2004|10:49pm]
I figured I should update...

by now all of you have heard that Matt dumped me.

You've probably all been in one of the various chats that I started fights in.

Matt's over at Jere's right now.

Benji tried to get him to not tell me, why I don't know, he oculdn't have wanted to spare me after the way I treated him and Joel.
2 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[07 Nov 2004|03:19pm]
I'm back home... i dealt with some shit... i don't know what good it did... it made me feel good... i guess... whatever...


i need to help matt... i'm just so confused... and yeah... gotta help matt.
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[28 Oct 2004|09:09am]
i don't know how i feel...

i'm the biggest fuck up... i know i am and i'm tired of realizing this everytime i turn around...

matty... i'm sorry and i love you...

please believe me when i say that...
3 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[12 Oct 2004|05:54am]
fuck them... fuckign fuck them.

How could they? how fucking could they, he is their god damned son...




fuckign assholes, no fucking wonder. NO FUCKING WONDER

I'm gonan kill them... i'm gonna hurt them.


how the fuck could they?
4 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[29 Sep 2004|03:09pm]
[ mood | worried ]

shit... matt broke down yesteday...

i think he had a mental break down or something...

i made an appointment at the doctors for him tomorrow... hopefully it goes good..

god hopefully...

5 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[16 Sep 2004|04:20pm]
[ mood | happy ]

the other night... god I don't know how to explain it.

I hope it... I hope it's going to make us better but I don't know...

just read, it's long so yeahCollapse )

3 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[13 Sep 2004|07:25am]
I tried to kill my self...

I know have regular counceling schedules shit.

Matt hates me, and I tried to kill myself...
12 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[01 Sep 2004|03:20pm]
Matt cut again yesterday, while I was in bed all day.

I can't help but wonder if I had done something to make him think he coudln't come talk to me today about it?

He was doing so good too

oh god his chest and arms... he just... he went crazy on em... and god

he did it while i was laying in bed...

it's just a set back... he told me he didn't mean to, and he was sorry... he's still trying to stop...

and I still feel like shit, this is just a brief moment of me not feeling like I should run to the bathroom and loose whatever's in my stomach...

i'm staying with matt though, i gotta keep watch over him.

i'm off.
5 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[15 Aug 2004|11:58am]
Matt took me out to eat dinner last night.

It was this nice fancy resturant. The night was perfect. WE both ate a lot. Ahahah, not rude alot just we bought a lot of food... there was still some on the plates when we left.

It was an italian resturant.

VERY GOOD ONE.

I can't even remember the name but it was good.

He kept holding my hand under the table, now dudes... that was... that made me feel so good. Like I wasn't a whore.

It was just nice.

Real nice.

And when we got back in the car he kissed me. Like just on the lips, nothing passionate or anything, just a nice soft peck.

I was smiling the whole way home.

And when we got back...

-grins-

We went straight to his room, to his bed.

Mhm.

ALL NIGHT

... I'm so tired.

I have to go...

I'm taking Matt somewhere...

I'll tell you where and what happens later... I hope he doesn't completely hate me...
5 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[08 Aug 2004|09:24pm]
Last night...

Last night...

was bad...

Matt came home from the store and I was cutting up my arms to show him what I felt and we fought...

... he found out I hid everything that was sharp.

We fought some more...

I sat outside his door...

.... I fucked up... took some of the drugs I had thrown away... cut burnt my hands...

we fought.

He hates me.

he told me so.

Very many times.

and... I left...

and I went to John...






... my ass hurts...

he fucked me like the whore I am...

Matt told me I was a whore too...


...


I'm tired...
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[07 Aug 2004|08:00pm]
I don't know what to think,

what to do,

or what to say.

Read more...Collapse )
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

[06 Aug 2004|01:07am]
he hit me
2 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

sexuh [03 Aug 2004|11:14pm]
yeah me and matt finally did it

we fucked.

it was good

here's the details so if you don't wanna read it... don't

So i'm sitting up on the counter with the labtop because it's my new love and I can go anywhere and it's wireless and shit.

Anyways so me and Matt are talking online becuase we're lame like that and I'm on the counter and hes in the bedroom... and here's that convo

Read more...Collapse )

so yeah he came down here and I was all sat up on the counter with my legs spread and shit and he came in and walked between my legs and I wrapped my arm around his neck, and I'm smirking at him

so he goes . 'so what are you gonna show me?'

and I just smile at him and kiss him and rub my hips against his and he makes this awesome ass gasping noise.

so hell he opened his mouth so yeah we freneched =D

he tastes so fucking good too! You all lose at life because you do not have one matthew lovato to kiss

anyways so we're all kissing and dry humping and shit and I really feel like I'm gonna lose my load right fucking then and there but he pulls away at me and he's kinda got this shy blush on his face but he pulls his shirt over his head, and i'm not wearing one so yah that's normal ain't it though.

Anways then he drops his pants and he's standing there and he's fucking beautiful and he's gonna hate me for telling you all this...

but he has the most fucking perfect cock that I've ever seen!

anyways, I was in my boxers... because really clothes suck, and he just comes back closer to meand starts pulling them off so of course i make a full of myself but we get those fucking stupid pieces of shit off and i'm still sat on the counter and now we're humpin each other dry and shit fucking naked.

So he's sucking at my neck now which is fucking awesome, I gotta hickie! From Matt fucking Lovato... and he was litterly fucking a lovato

ahaha I'm cool

then he pulls away again and I'm all probably looking at him confused and shit because hell i could see he was fucking 'happy'

anyways he went to his pants and the fucker came prepared!

he fucking came prepared with lube... i love him.

so he's all putting it on himself and all that jazz then he throws it at me so I get to stick fingers up my ass but that's all right becuase what came next was fucking awesome

so he comes back to me and we're both fucking ready... and I almost made my self come fingering myself, almost but it's never the fucking same you know?

so he like lifts me off of the counter and then leans me against it so we're all at a good angle and shit and I'm holding onto his shoulders and we're looking each other in the eye as he slowly starts pushing into me.

and he was so fucking careful about it... it was perfect... well anyways he's pushing into me and there's pain at first as always but we're all looking each other in the eye and I've never felt a deeper fucking connection than at that moment in my life...

it was like there was nothing but us there.

and he waits, lets me get adjusted and shit you know, and then he's moving in and out of me slowly but he's holding my hips real tight like , you know...

and the pace doesn't ever speed up, not really anyways but that doesn't matter because it was perfect.

and he was hitting my spot almost every fucking time, my eyes most ahve closed sometime becuase the next thing I know I' looking up at him and he's got sweat on his forehead and a little stubble... and i fucking lost it.

I came all over us and shit and just started jerking and shit with it... fucking hell htat was the best i've ever felt i think.

then he's coming and he thrusts into me real hard a few tiems...

and SHIT

it was perfect you know

so now i'm on his bed, butt ass naked and he's on the computer =D

because we want to talk to you people! even after mind blowing sex!
6 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

we're going to lay together soon. [31 Jul 2004|12:59am]
this will probably be the slowest relation ship I've ever had.

that's okay though... maybe it should be slow.

I don't know though... I'm like all confused in my head... I don't get any of this... and I don't know why... it doesn't make any sense.

Like why I freaked out last time me and matt did anything, i mean we were almost there and I just fuckign freaked out...

i don't know why either. I dont' thingk it's because of him though... i really don't

i just remember we're laying there.. well not really laying there we're feeling each othe rup and losing clothes... then we're stripped and we're both fucking 'happy' and then i'm just freaking out and getting out of there like a bat out of hell and shit...

i had just fucked john there though on that the same day... it wasn't right....

i don't know...

but me and matt are together... and i don't really think i could be happier

i love him

i think i really am in love with him.... like in love not just that stupid family love....

and i want to be with him...

but what if i freak out again?

and matts scared i'll freak out again... and i am too

but i love him and he's perfect... he really is... nad i dont' really deserve him and he defineltly doesn't deserve the shit i'm gonna give him... and i won't bhe givign it to him on purpose or any shit liket hat... its just... i don't know...

matt wants me to stop the drugs...

and hes right i have been going pretty heavy on them...

i just feel like i need them...

so i'm basically fucking addicted... which is the first step to recovery which is quoted from rehab i htink

so i'm gonna try to stop...

they're just a quick fix when i'm feeling down and shit...

so i'm gonna stop

for matt

and we're going to be in bed together tonight cuz i'm a geek and asked himif we could share the bed... i shall probably go in my boxers... cuz i hate clothes in bed but i'm not sure if matt wants me naked.

i gots matt =DCollapse )
1 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

we're together [30 Jul 2004|01:19pm]
me and matt are together and I've never felt so happy...

I keep getting sick and shking though right now...

I haven't done anything today, drug wise

was gonna help matt clean up his place... and I tried for a bit it's not really working I'm too shaky and sick and sshit

I'm not sure if it's such a good thing we're together... I love him, all the tiem he was gone I finally accepted that

but i'm no good for matt

i'm not and now i'm being selfish because i can't live without matt

i tried it but it was killing me

i love you bree... i do

i'm sorry for all the hsit i'v caused everyone...

i'm a stupid fuck.
4 Kissed my Ass| Kiss my ass

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